Recovery and Aftercare

Item for Sale

Product Description

Item: Surgical suspensory bandage

Quantity: 1

Size: XX large (not bragging) 65a Type 3

Condition: Used

Cost: Free – with delivery

Reason for selling: It’s getting on my nerves

Day 1: Relief

This is the day of the surgery, which finished at 5pm and I was home for 7pm. The after effects of the anaesthetic and the relief of having the tumour removed made me feel on top of the world. It felt extremely tender and tight around my groin area, which feels like having really bad cramp. I was told very clearly not to exercise, lift anything, do any housework or move anywhere far for at least 2 weeks.

You must have someone with you for the first 48 hours, and they basically have to wait on you hand and foot. Not bad at all! At this point I had a stiff drink, a sandwich in hand, and a relieved smile on my face.

Summary

• When you get back home, get comfy and do not move!
• Leave the bandaging and scars alone – no showers for at least 5 days.
• The feeling of relief is almost overwhelming – if you have made it this far then well done you, be proud of yourself!

Day 2: Discomfort

The euphoria of making it through surgery and losing a tumour is replaced with sweet discomfort and tenderness. I woke up feeling like I’d been stabbed – which was pretty much the case really. I’d been stabbed and mugged, robbed of my right testicle. In a pantry. Still can’t believe that! Read more about my store cupboard surgery here.

Anyway, the discomfort really isn’t that bad. As a man, you will undoubtedly make more of it than it is and complain like you’ve been shot a few times. I did. To be fair, the pain is about 4 out of 10 at this point.

Summary

• Take paracetamol and ibuprofen every 4 hours.
• Move around as little as possible.
• Find something that will keep you busy for the next few weeks – you will need it!
• Don’t touch anything around the scar or ball area. Just don’t.

Day 3: Pain

Forget the 4, the pain in my groin is now 6 out of 10. I can hardly walk, stretch or reach for the remote control – and the TV is stuck on Loose Women. Pain rating is now an 8. The late arrival of pain is due to bruising (bruises get a little bit worse before they get better). And also Janet Street-Porter.

Today is the hottest day in April since forever. I’m welded to my couch. Could things get any worse? No, so don’t worry. The second day following your surgery will most probably be the worst in terms of discomfort and boredom. Things can only get better from here!

Summary

• Keep taking paracetamol and ibuprofen every 4 hours.
• Keep busy and remain positive – you’re almost over the hump!
• Don’t get upset that it’s bank holiday weekend and everyone is out in the sun apart from you (okay maybe that one is just for me).

Day 4: Normality

The pain and discomfort has eased a lot! This is important though, as the surgeon did warn me that I would start to feel normal again after day 3. He was right. I felt like I could manage a small walk around the block with my dog. I was wrong. I got a few yards out the front door and had to come back, it was starting to put pressure and create discomfort in my groin and scrotum. Not a good idea.

The surgeon said if I overdo things I could cause a bleed in my scrotum. So please, if you are going through this, continue to do nothing for at least another week!

Summary

• You feel normal but you are not yet normal – continue to do as little as possible.
• Don’t pull forward and accidentally let go of your elasticated sling strap. It hurts. A lot.
• Avoid the ever present, overbearing desire to scratch your balls. It hurts. A lot.

Day 5: Realisation

This was the day that the penny dropped for me. Before surgery, all of my focus and desire was on removing the tumour. All I wanted was for it to be gone and I wasn’t really thinking much else. After surgery, the focus and desire was switched towards recovering well and to not feel any more discomfort. Now that was all done, everything hit home.

It sounds daft to say at this stage, but this is where it finally sunk in for me. Five days after surgery and 4 weeks after noticing the lump, only at this point did it really hit me. I am a cancer patient. It happened quickly and randomly one night. All the bravery and positivity shown thus far drained from me like water through a plug. I had a mini crash and a massive baby-like blubber.

Having a testicle removed is not something that will happen to me anymore, it’s actually happened. This is it, me and my prosthetic right testicle are a thing. I am now and may forever be known as the guy who had testicular cancer. The mind works in mysterious ways, why now would it only just be hitting home? Day 5 was definitely the worst for me in terms of feeling sorry for myself, but I probably needed it. You can’t keep it together all of the time, and the emotional release was helpful.

Summary

• This is where boredom really begins to set in – so keep your mind busy but your body still.
• Take the time to reflect on what you’ve been through – you’re awesome for going through this!
• It is absolutely fine to have a mini crash or outburst of emotion at any point in your journey. Everyone will deal with this differently and the penny will drop when it needs to. Don’t fight these emotions, embrace them, you’re going to need them all.

Day 6: Shower time

Right, enough of that, less feeling sorry for myself because today is a good day! This is the day I can take off my Godforsaken sling, get butt naked and have a shower! I haven’t had one since the morning of my surgery and I’m beginning to pong! Taking the sling off was an absolute joy. My balls were free! The hammock part of the sling is elasticated and grips the back of your scrotum when you wear it. The skin underneath here was red raw and very sore, but that did not deter me from enjoying my shower!

Taking off my bandaging around the groin area certainly did though. The scar is huge! At least 3 to 4 inches long. What absolutely confuses me is that they didn’t shave my groin before surgery. They shaved a neat little line where they made the cut, but not the pubic hair around it, which is underneath the sticky part of my bandage. I now have to rip this off. Glorious. So, on this day, I ended up giving myself a hair wax. Not quite a Brazilian. I call it the Mancunian. It’s bushy down the left hand side, with a landing strip in the crack of my right groin. Doubtful this will become fashionable.

Summary

• Do not directly soap or rub your balls when showering, just let water trickle it’s way down to them. They are still too tender and delicate to scrub!
• Take off your bandage with care – use scissors to trim any hairs caught in the bandage.
• Do not overdo it! You will feel liberated and normal again, but you are still severely tender and bruised internally.
• Drip dry or pat yourself dry. Either way, do not rub!